Introspect…. What is your motivation to adopt?
This was the fundamental question my husband and I started with.
There could be many other reasons why one decides to adopt a child. One could be you are unable to conceive (which is the most common reason among couples). The other is that you want to expand your family and feel adopting a baby is the best way. This was the path my husband and I were keen on from the moment we decided to get married.
Whatever might be the reason, the fact is that you have decided to enter parenthood.
You need to be prepared for 2 facts
- There is no greater responsibility in life than being a parent.
- There will be no greater effort and hard work you will put in to this than anything else you might have done in life.
Before you plunge into parenthood whether biologically or via adoption, make sure you really want to do this because remember there is no going back once your baby is with you. That sounds pretty obvious but there have been cases in adoption scenarios where, shockingly, parents have tried to return the child as they realized only too late that they were not cut out to be parents or their motivation to be parents was wrong.
What are the wrong reasons for wanting to adopt a baby?
- You want to save the baby
- You are lonely
- You think the baby will save your marriage
- A baby will give you something to focus on
- You family is pressurizing you for a child and you do not want to conceive
- Everyone else in your friend circle has a baby
- Your child needs a playmate
- You want someone to take care of you when you are old
If you relate to any of the above reasons, please realise that parenthood might not be really for you. The only valid reason to adopt or have a baby biologically is that you want to love and take care of a baby and give him/her the best upbringing you can. That’s it! No ulterior motive.
Being a parent is a lifelong commitment
Your time will not belong to you anymore and it requires a BIG lifestyle change. You need to be emotionally and physically ready for this. Parenthood will change you in ways you cannot not even imagine. At times, believe me, it will seem extremely overwhelming. After all the effort and the sleepless nights, remember, there will also be no greater joy and love that you will receive making every minute worth it.
Now, you maybe convinced that adoption is the way forward for but may still have concerns about how your parents or extended family will react due to biases that exist in society. This is natural and is one of the most common worries amongst couples. Personally, I would say that if you and your spouse are sure about bringing a baby and immense love that will come with him or her, into your home, nothing else matters. 🙂
In any case, I highly recommend pre-adoption counselling for every person considering adoption. It will help you introspect and quell many fears or answer doubts that you might have. Padme is a wonderful organization run by Gayatri Abraham in Bangalore, that does individual counselling and workshops. I have personally attended one of their workshops. They aim to demystify adoption and encourage open conversations about it. You can know more about them on www.padme.in or mail them at [email protected].
Do look up specialized adoption counselling centres in your city and make the time for a session with your family. It is extremely important and will help you be much better prepared.